There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
