i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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