May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
