I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
