it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
