Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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