I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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