my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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