he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
