alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
