who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
