Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
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Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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