somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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