we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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