Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
