and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
