Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
and you fell through a lawn chair
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
