I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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