Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
