I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
