there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
