This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
