Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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