it wasn't lemon gatorade
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
