haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
