Say something about gay babies.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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