How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
