my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize