I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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