I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
