I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
