Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
