He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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