I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
