i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
