i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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