he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
