White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
