yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think I sprained my soul last night
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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