Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
