i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i came on her dog
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize