In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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