look no pants
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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