you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
