I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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