Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
