my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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