I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
