I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
