I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
