but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
