hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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