just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
