I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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