Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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