My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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