I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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