she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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