im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
