im drinking this country out of the recession.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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