we have pet lesbian snakes
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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