You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize