drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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