eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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