I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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