I am in a vortex of obligation.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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