Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
