Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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