i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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