I'm passing your future prison.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
