o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
