Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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