how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
