I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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