apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
