Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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