my phone needs a breathalizer
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
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Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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