Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
