Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
BRING THE BAGELS
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