His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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