Just fell off a train. Bad.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
