here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
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do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
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Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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