I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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